Flexibility + Fulfilment > Focus
Be more than a cold-plunge bro. Do your groceries.
On LinkedIn this week, Dr Benjamin Hardy shared a trope you’ve probably seen before: to succeed, you have to focus, simplify, be ruthless, say no, tell your kids to get out of your way, drink an organ smoothie. (I’m paraphrasing.)
This school of thought always quotes the same dudes - Steve Jobs with his "focus is saying no" or Warren Buffet with his "lesser goals" list. (And by these guys, I mean me. I have done this. Here’s a blog post I wrote lauding Steve Jobs seven years ago. Let a girl grow in public.)
Focus matters
Focus matters. Unless you’ve got unlimited time, money, and staff, you need clear priorities. That’s how short-term actions turn into long-term aspirations. It’s the lynchpin of Strategy 101.
Single-mindedness is a privilege
But treating single-mindedness as a universal principle ignores how society actually functions. This kind of single-minded, fuck-everyone-else lens only works for:
Private sector businesses with no consideration for broader public impact.
Men with significant others and/or support networks picking up everything else on their behalf.
Or as Renee Mitchell more succinctly put it on my LinkedIn:
Real life asks for nuance
Focus is saying no, sure. But living a rich, connected life or making public impact asks for more. More nuance, more abstract thought, more systems thinking, more connections, and more complexity of mind. It asks you to hold multiple realities in mind, retain empathy for conflicting points of view, and see the quiet and invisible links between things.
Lesser goals are distracting. But they're your kid's assembly, the grocery shopping, a clean, warm house and trying to get a plumber or a doctor's appointment. Those goals don't win awards but they keep the world turning while the bros grind in their cold plunge. In aggregate, they're the things that make a life.
Relentless pursuit of a massive goal is impressive and, if you are dogged and persistent, it is achievable. But it will always, always come at a cost. There are no solutions, only trade-offs. That’s why I pushed back on Hardy’s post this morning - not because focus is wrong, but because focus without context is blind privilege.
Meaning trumps perfection
Of course, if you work in the public sector, third sector, or social impact world (families count here), you already know this.
You know that 'focus' is code for 'letting down a worthy cause.' You know there will always be more dramas than dollars, the problem is never the problem, and the whole world is connected. You know finding the intervention point is more art than science, the 'right decision' is more alignment than accuracy and doing your best will still fail people who deserve better.
And does that stop you? Nah. You do the work anyway, because a messy attempt at making things better brings you more joy than sitting on top of a stack of money with perfect abs hollering about scale and life hacks while your wife takes your kids to school. And I love you for that.
A way forward: flexibility
So what do we do with 2025 Hardy/ 2018 Alicia’s valid logic, without swallowing the hustle-bro dogma? I reckon we’re clever, caring people who are capable of holding a critical paradox: that focus matters and complexity is real. Pretending you can optimise everything at once is fantasy, but so is pretending you can ignore the system you live in.
Flexibility - of your focus, your priorities, and your identity - asks for you to be a more complex thinker, but it also requires intention for it to work. That means:
Choosing your disappointments on purpose: Who (or what) will you let down this week/ quarter/ year, and why? Name it, own it, and communicate it ahead of time.
Design for change: Complexity means unpredictability. You will be wrong in ways you don’t know yet - so be willing to change your mind. Build check-ins and exit ramps. If the facts change, make sure you do too.
(Did you know I wrote about this in You Don’t Need An MBA? Flexibility is at the core of the strategic leadership skills model, for a good reason.)
A disclaimer that shouldn’t be necessary but is
I like Ben Hardy. Here’s us hanging out in Arizona a few years back. He’s a good dude, a devoted dad and a driven operator. This is a critique of a narrative, not a person. The narrative says greatness is single-minded and uncompromising. But the real world, especially public life, knows that real greatness has to handle complexity - and that includes disagreement.
TL;DR:
Focus is a luxury you may not want. Choose flexibility instead. Four things to remember:
Strategy is not synonymous with single-mindedness. You can't scale a complex system, but you do LIVE INSIDE ONE and, like it or not, your actions and choices will affect it.
Choose your disappointments widely - at work, at home, in community - and be prepared to change course. Complexity means unpredictability, so you need flexibility in response.
Value the invisible, unsexy stuff. The mental and emotional labour. The housework. The admin. The unplanned moments and chats that run on. Those are the things that add dimension and depth to your life.
Keep going. We need you.
Til next week,
AM
P.S. If you want the LinkedIn thread that kicked this off, click here.
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